The Contenders
Rocky
Read MoreCurrently attending anger management therapy for slow play. Is a world authority on lamb shank preparation. Has a tattoo on his arse that says “If you’re reading this, we’re in prison”.
Magoogle
Read MoreThe Dogdish Jeppe boy voted most likely to marry his cousin . Was an exotic dancer at the Blue Oyster Bar before joining the navy. Secretly harbours a desire to become a bus conductor.
Chewbacca
Read MoreWanted to become a ventriloquist but the puppet couldn’t get a word in. He is able to hold several conversations simultaneously. In fact most conversations on tour involve him. Nightmare Scenario: Developing a sudden speech impediment.
Dutch
Read MoreAlways performs a quick cash flow projection before teeing up in front of water. Prefers all his clothing in orange except his overalls. He considers SPR (shanks per round) as the most useful metric to measure his performance.
Kojak
Read MoreFriends are all stupid and don’t know nothing. Famous for his one day swing. Has as much chance of winning tour as Italy winning the World Cup
Cabronski
Read MoreIntroduces himself and starts each sentence with “Are you a champion?”. The first non gringo to lift the trophy. Nightmare Scenario: Removal of the word “gimme” from the golfing dictionary. Swing Analysis: Reminiscent of someone fighting a swarm of bees.
Rabbi
Read MoreConsiders himself a leading collector of vintage golf shirts. Always bemoans not being straight on tour. Nightmare Scenario 1: Any dogleg left. Nightmare Scenario 2: Full Tilt showing him how to complete his backswing.
WWII
Read MoreHas a hapless desire to be known as WWIII. Previously known as Tiffany. Favorite pronoun: They. Drink of choice: Bud light
Boskak
Read MoreBrings a new measure of performance to Fatcat (KPR). When not playing golf, he sells products with a tight seal.
Muffy
Read MoreHis wife considers him a trophy husband. Has about as much chance of winning as Farpiktok paying for a drink. Still has to undergo “scruitineering” by Uwe Black.
Rocketman
Read MoreHe disappears faster after 9pm than his grey hairs on a trip to Denmark. The only thing he can beat with his eyes closed is insomnia. As much chance of winning tour as attending any new years eve event.
XXX
Read MoreTries hard to convince everybody that he actually works in Mauritius. Fondly referred to as “Island Boy” in his local Hells Angel charter. Has about as much chance of winning tour as Brexit
Oz
Read MoreA sheep in wolf’s clothing. Wears camouflage shorts – we’ve never seen them. Sometimes unfairly referred to as “gums” having relinquished his Fines master role. Swing Analysis: What he lacks in confidence off the tee, he also lacks in swing speed.
Oom Tromp
Read MoreFully Bilingual – Speaks fluent English and Fox News. Claimed the 2015 Marbella CC Junior Championship. Has about as much chance of winning tour as Hilary going to jail.
Van der chippen Putten
Read MoreHis hotel mini bars allow you into the future to see what a coke will cost in 2040. Flatly disputes Uwe Blacks’s claim that the best thing to come out of Holland is the train to Germany.
Uwe Black
Read MoreRecently wrote an article titled “Gender Identification in the modern era”. Lists his Domicilium Citandi as Pat Pong Street. Swing Analysis: Currently the subject of a dissertation titled “Unusual Biomechanical and Neuropsychological Mechanisms of Movement”
Big Mac
Read MoreRecently featured in an article on 007.com called “Bond on a budget”. A close second to Rocketman in the insomnia stakes. Nightmare Scenario: Getting bunker advice from Canthitabal.
Spud
Read MoreCFO and poultry evangelist for Woodchuck Chicken.Similar to a greek but not as hard working. Describes himself as a day trader … in gyros. Good for a top twenty four finish.
Gollum
Read MoreThe Tommy Hillfiger of Fatcat. VDCP calls him Poepchic. Nightmare Scenario: Getting dressed in front of a full length mirror. His personal challenge – a needs analysis of Rabbi’s wardrobe
Farpiktok
Read MoreNow looking for a second assistant given his expected workload this year. Nightmare Scenario: Having to foot any alcohol bill. Has about as much chance of winning as being nominated to run an AA meeting.
Crappy
Read MoreHas this year managed to reduce his swing thoughts to under 25. Nightmare scenario: Playing with Chewbacca, Oom Tromp and Magoogle in the same four ball. Most regrettable words spoken on the golf course: “Ok honey, you drive”
Small Easy
Read MoreHis body turn always carries the risk of a hook, never mind a hernia. Has been known to nod off on his downswing. Has about as much chance of winning tour as setting a new 400m hurdles record
Canthitabal
Read MoreHis goal is to one day shoot his age – will be lucky to shoot his weight. Career highlights include Saturday afternoon C-division winner in 2007. Swing Analysis: Like an octopus falling out of a tree.
Herpie
Read MoreBeing anywhere close to him for extended periods guarantees you an appointment with the doctor. Contributes a considerable amount of revenue at Rocky’s range. Snores in his sleep … according to Oz ???
Wiiings
Read MoreHis staff see more of Halleys comet than they do him. Recently joined Alcoholics Anonymous – still drinks but uses a false name. Has about as much chance of winning as identifying his own dog in a lineup parade.
Scooter
Read MoreAnother Jeppe alumni although Jeppe refuse to acknowledge this. Will be more like a lawnmower than a scooter after his initial appointment with Farpiktok. Fluent in English and Nashua.
Bwyan
Read MoreThe Dennis Thatcher of Dainfern. Travels with his own Physio. Nightmare Scenario: Being restricted to no more than 10 beers per night. Has as much chance of winning tour as Cabronski revoking his Mexican citizenship.
Alibabalas
Read MoreHe recently said – “If I had 50c for every scorecard I’d miscounted I’d have R10.80 now”
Brexit
Read MoreHe is widely thought of amongst the primate population to be the original source of Ebola.
Magic Mike
Read MoreNow called Mediocre Mike given his current form. Was once a Springbok tequila shootist. Swing Analysis: Runs a process and system automation conglomerate but has a different swing every day.
Full Tilt
Read MorePaints himself as an Old Master – Only one of those attributes apply on the course.
Always the last to know when it starts raining.
Swing Analysis: He makes Fred Astaire look like a statue.
Groucho
Read MoreConsidered by many to be vocally and morally unrestrained. Endorsed by Weed Aficionado and the Plettenberg Overly-aggressive and Excitable Support Society (POESS)
Vijayjay
Earlier this year he gave up his day job to spend more time on the range. Has learnt the hard way not to seek medical advice from Full Tilt. Swing Analysis: Gender neutral – Sometimes left, sometimes right. Not necessarily straight.
Who We Are
The Facts
Completed Tours
14
Players
131+
World Champions
12
Hours of work done
0
Lost Balls
1393
Penalties
2680
Drinks Consumed
17988
News
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